Apples hate pillow grenades. Despise them, in fact.
Why would an apple hate a pillow grenade? What could any fruit, or any human for that matter, have against a pillow grenade? What even is a pillow grenade?
What on earth am I talking about?
On April 26, 2018, at 6:11 pm, shortly after rummaging around in the fridge and coming away with a measly two pieces of chorizo and a fromage frais, I tweeted this:
To which Heine Aaen Hansen replied:
To which I replied… Well, I’ll just screenshot the thread so you can read it.
And so that’s where apples hate pillow grenades comes from.
Pillow grenades aren’t even important. Apples are important, but not in this context.
The real nugget of information is in Heine’s tweet.
“...sometimes they are the doorway to something that does.”
That’s wisdom right there. I was just talking nonsense, as usual.
I know some people don’t believe that writer's block is real, but it’s real to me damn it. I had it on that day. I get it all the time.
But there is a cure and it’s this: just write something down. Anything. Here are three one-liners from me, written without thinking:
Ice lollies taste better cold. [Fact]
German Shepherd’s love doing the jive to Doin’ The Jive. [probably a fact]
Jimmy Lava downed some cava and robbed a shop in a balaclava.
It doesn't have to be gibberish like that, it can be something that’s related in some way to what you’re supposed to be writing about.
The idea is only to get words on the screen. Write down the first thing that pops into your head.
Get those fingers moving faster than your brain can react, that way it won’t be able to object to you churning out words. Don’t worry about commas, apostrophes, capital letters or even spelling properly, just write crap.
From there, something will come of it. No matter how ridiculous, there’ll be something there you can explore — an idea that can inspire writing worth publishing.
Like this post.
In case you’re still wondering, a pillow grenade is defined as:.
a) A pillow thrown overarm in the general vicinity of the opposition in a pillow fight, after which the thrower immediately takes cover.*
b) A large, basketball-sized grenade packed tightly with expanding pillows. In 1994, pillow grenades were tossed into the heavily family populated — and then sleep-deprived — town of Cheltenham from nearby Gloucester. Studies carried out soon afterwards revealed that a typical family of four enjoyed a 63% improvement in sleep, on average.**
Why do Apples hate pillow grenades? That’s something you’ll have to ask Granny Smith. Propaganda if you ask me.
* This is made up but sounds like it could be true. ** There is no evidence to suggest that sleep was improved.